While leaders give guidance, our decisions over who to follow determines who guides us.
- We must follow people who show Christlike behavior (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Jesus builds every Christian up to become a self-leader:
- Maintain your integrity (Proverbs 20:7, Psalm 101:2, Job 27:5-6).
- Work diligently (Acts 20:33-35, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12, 2 Timothy 2:15).
- Have a servant’s heart (Mark 10:35-45, John 13:3-17, Galatians 5:13, 2 Kings 5:20-27, Philippians 2:5-11).
- Conduct yourself gently (2 Timothy 2:24-26).
- Obey God when you know His will (1 Peter 1:13-15).
Discipleship is one-on-one mentorship, teaching, and advising.
- You simply don’t have enough resources to disciple and mentor more than 3-4 people at any one time.
- If you’re a parent, your non-adult children are part of those 3-4 person limit.
Be Prepared
Even by secular standards, spiritual mentors are leaders.
- Leaders must be an example of what they’re teaching (Matthew 7:15-20).
- Since they should be at least somewhat loving, they’ll have a natural ability to make friends.
Developing as a Christian is inward (exoteric) much more than outward (esoteric).
- The greatest two commandments God gives us are to love Him, and to love others (Mark 12:28-34).
- To put it another way, loving starts as a type of contract with God, which then extends outward to kindness and love for all His creation, meaning our results should be defined by how much we advance others’ collective interests.
- If we ever wish to guide other people in that endeavor without falling into heresy, we need at least a good decade or two of healthy spiritual exercises for God to change us.
God judges leaders more harshly than non-leaders (Matthew 18:6).
- Not everyone should pursue leadership, since God holds leaders to a higher standard than everyone else (James 3:1).
- God doesn’t take a teacher’s role lightly (Acts 20:28).
A leader guides others’ issues beyond themselves, so they must have a few desires before they even consider the role:
- They must be faithful to God’s promises (Hebrews 6:11-15, Romans 4:16-21).
- They must be free of anxiety (Philippians 4:6-9).
- Further, they live for God’s word, listen to His Spirit, and follow His will (Isaiah 30:21, Mark 4:24).
- Finally, they must desire to see the lost come to Christ (1 Corinthians 10:33, 1 Corinthians 11:1).
Mentoring takes endurance, and will often feel like a second job.
- You’ll spend quite a lot of time giving input and sharing.
- A spiritual father never technically retires until they move on to the next life.
Choosing Disciples
Good spiritual leaders are picky about who they decide to teach.
- Focus on quality, not quantity.
- If you have children, they’re your disciples until they’ve reached adulthood.
- Even Jesus only closely mentored 12 people (Luke 6:12-16).
A good disciple must be teachable and faithful.
- Avoid leading people who crave emotional support, but refuse to change from their sins.
- They can be curious or smart enough to ask plenty questions, but can’t be rebellious.
- Focus on heavenly prizes (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Philippians 3:12-20, Hebrews 11:24-26).
- Don’t judge their outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:6-7, 1 Corinthians 1:27-29).
Avoid mentoring a few demographics relative to yourself:
- Discipleship of the opposite sex can create sexual immorality or, in a relationship, unhealthy codependency.
- Leading someone the same age or older (within 5-10 years) becomes a lopsided relationship from relative differences in life experience.
Nurturing
You must use the simple truths of God to encourage, comfort, and instruct (1 Thessalonians 2:11, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Nurture them in their comparatively newer faith (1 Timothy 1:2).
- Invest into them like a son or daughter (1 Timothy 1:18, 4:14-15, 2 Timothy 1:3-6).
- Don’t invest in their lives for any personal benefit (Proverbs 13:22, 2 Corinthians 12:14-15, 2 Peter 2:3).
- Take advantage of every opportunity to guide them (Acts 16:1-3,6,7, Titus 1:4, Philippians 1:8-21).
- Stay devoted to them and find joy with their growth (2 Corinthians 2:12-13, 2 Timothy 1:2-5, 3 John 4).
- Don’t neglect growing yourself as well (Deuteronomy 4:9, Ephesians 4:15, Philippians 3:12, 1 Timothy 4:12-16).
Set the pace by showing them your example (2 Timothy 3:10-11).
- Reproduce yourself into them (2 Corinthians 12:14-19, Philippians 2:19-22, 2 Timothy 3:10-11).
- Avoid dictating to them, especially as they become more knowledgeable (1 Peter 5:1-3).
Do not micro-manage, since they will have a different generational culture and their approach on some things will be different.
Avoid employing any shame.
- While we should feel ashamed of sins we haven’t repented over, living in Christ has zero condemnation (Romans 8:1-3).
- Generally, any self-reflecting misery we develop when we consider the greatness of God is a product of past trauma, and not the right attitude to live well in God’s Kingdom.
What They Must Know
New believers must learn a few things:
- God faithfully forgives (1 John 1:9-10, 2:1, 2:12).
- Not everything is the way it seems (1 John 2:18-28).
- A person’s lifestyle shows their spirituality (Matthew 7:20-21, 1 John 3:5-10).
- We must love in action, not just words (1 John 3:17-19).
- Believers don’t need to fear the devil (1 John 4:1-4).
- Idolatry is an incessant danger (1 John 5:21).
- God’s kingdom gives progressively more rights and privileges as we grow in Christ (Ephesians 3:11-12).
Disciples are responsible to act on truths they’ve learned (2 John 4, 3 John 4, James 1:22).
Successful discipleship makes them partners in ministry, not subordinates (Romans 16:21).
- They should know everything you know.
- Delegate and release them to their projects (Colossians 4:7-9, Titus 1:4-13, 1 Thessalonians 3:1-7).
- Expect them to disciple others in turn after you (1 Timothy 4:12, 16, 2 Timothy 2:1-2).
- They should eventually out-succeed you (Genesis 37:9-11, Deuteronomy 30:5, 2 Corinthians 10:13).
- They will never outgrow their need for prayer (Romans 1:17, 2 Corinthians 3:18, 2 Timothy 1:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:25, 2 Thessalonians 3:1, Philemon 22).
Own Your Failures
You won’t get it precisely correct.
- They may stray off into heresies or pursue ministries you don’t approve of.
- It’s your responsibility to still love them, just as if they were your own children.
You will be a hypocrite.
- Any fallible person who teaches the importance of living in Christ’s full righteousness will not always practice what they preach.
- Quickly admit your failings, and openly show them to your disciples.