Christians & Family

As a believer, you have a new family by relation through Jesus (Matthew 12:48-50).

This family is a spiritual one that adds on top of your biological family.

  • If you don’t have a good family, God will bless you with other members to replace them (Matthew 19:29).
  • Some groups bordering on cult status go to an extreme of disassociating with all family, but there’s no directive in the Bible to disassociate from them.
  • Compared to your physical family, your spiritual family is much more important (Ephesians 2:19).

Your relationship with God must extend beyond you and Him.

Don’t over-prioritize biological family

We tend to give much more grace to our biological family than anyone else.

  • However, Jesus wants to intentionally divide biological families (Matthew 10:34-36).
  • Jesus makes it abundantly clear that family is less significant than Him (Matthew 10:37).

The New Testament constantly references other believers as brothers and sisters in Christ.

While it never excuses bad boundaries, the Bible implies a specific triage of how we should prioritize our relationships, even when they’re abusive:

  1. God above anyone else (Luke 10:27)
  2. Spouse, even when you can’t stand them, or if they cheat on you (Ephesians 5:22-33)
  3. Children, with no partiality, irrespective of genetics, until they are adults, along with extended family who are helpless
  4. All spiritual family, which are essentially other believers (Matthew 12:46-50)
  5. Suffering people like the poor, orphans, and widows (James 1:27)
  6. All official authority figures (Romans 13:1-7)
  7. All other extended family members (e.g., adult children, grandparents, grandchildren, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews)
  8. Everyone and everything else

If single, take your time

Single people can serve God with fewer distractions (1 Corinthians 7:6-7).

Deeply consider all possible romantic relationships.

  • Marriage is exceedingly challenging and has many risks of its own.
  • Unwisely marrying guarantees a lifetime of misery (Proverbs 21:9).
  • If you marry poorly and divorce, you’ve made things spiritually complicated (Matthew 5:31-32).
  • If you’re in love, imagine a person never changing, then ask if you can live with that person for the rest of your time on earth, even when everything you love about them becomes annoying.

Pick your dates carefully.

  • Don’t steadily date with or get in relationships with non-believers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
  • Even when someone is open-minded, they’re more likely to frustrate you or convert you away from Christianity than your efforts legitimately changing them.
  • Non-believers are spiritually dead, so they’ll usually find believers’ spirituality attractive, for a season.
  • To discern a non-believer, observe their lifestyle more than what they say (Matthew 7:15-20).
  • More than anything else, flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Don’t idolize romantic relationships.

  • The idea of a “soul mate” or “the one” is a non-biblical Hindu belief.
  • Share the Gospel with unbelievers, but avoid “missionary dating” to prevent sexual immorality or an unequal marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14).
  • Give everything to God, including all hopes of having a relationship with anyone.

God created families to symbolize human connection

The father, mother, and child symbolize a type of trinity.

A marriage relationship symbolizes Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5).

Children are an inherent blessing from God (Psalm 127:3-5), and the chaos and wild experiences of children are always worth the sacrifice when we follow God’s will.

Children should obey their parents, and fathers shouldn’t provoke their children (Ephesians 6:1-4).

Until they are adults, a parent’s most important ministry is their children.

Teach children about God.

  • Tell them frequently about what God has done, both in your life and in the Bible.
  • Teach them the importance and value of God’s Word.
  • Work on your own spiritual exercises and learn to continue getting rid of your sins.
  • Train them to fully love and serve the Lord.
  • Don’t try to rush them, since they have to learn for themselves.

Family households are never permanent, and God designed them to grow children into adults who leave to create their own families (Genesis 2:24).

  • Once you’ve seen them off, accept the inherent risks from their journey of faith in God.
  • If you are an adult and still with your parents, get out there and succeed already!

God redeems and forgives, so fully forgive any adult child who comes back after rebelling (Luke 15:11-32).

  • Jesus demonstrates how much love fathers should have for their lost sons.
  • However, your adult child should still reap the consequences of their decisions.

Extended Family

Most of your conflicts will come from your extended family, especially when you marry.

  • Your family of origin may be accustomed to you and your relationship with God, but marriages with mixed-faith backgrounds are guaranteed to be difficult.

There are a few possible scenarios:

  • Both Christian backgrounds: You will likely have cultural conflicts over denominational differences, but it can all be reconciled in Christ if the people in the conflicts are all legitimate Christians.
  • Christian background with non-Christian background: The non-Christian family will likely have severe issues with your value systems, so expect pushback from them about pretty much everything, and it may mean that spouse will get excommunicated.
  • Both non-Christian backgrounds: Expect persecution from both sides, and don’t expect the relationships to maintain themselves for long. Most of the time with them will need to be well-calculated or evangelically motivated, especially if there’s any cult-like indoctrination.

No matter what, your biological family is not as significant as your spiritual family, and you are extremely blessed if they are one and the same.